Confessions of an heiress

No I DO NOT wish to be Paris Hilton.  But I did just start the bible study titled "The Inheritance" by Beth Moore, and she quoted the famed diva. 
Some jolting revelations always come to me when I do these types of bible studies.  Here are a few that have already revealed themselves to me...

I am such a princess.

Not royalty, not snooty, not Kate on the arm of William.  I am a princess because, of course, everything revolves around me.  I've heard that this is the fault of my birth order.  In essence, the babies, the youngest of a brood, are usually the centers of attention.  In my case, there is a triple wammie at work...  I'm the youngest, I'm the only girl, and my brothers are ten years older than me.  I  am  so  a  princess.
I have matured, you will be happy to know.  Now, unlike before, even though my initial reaction is about myself, God is able to gently remind me that its not all about me, and I am able to discern (at least some times) if the situation is actually about ME, or about someone else.  Its kinda funny, all this time that Ive been thinking everything is about me, and come to find out, hardly any of it actually is.  I think I am so much more important than I actually am.  Oh, the laughs Ive had at myself. 

Paris Hilton says that its hard to be an heiress.  Is it hard being a princess?  YES, I say it is.  Being consumed with yourself if very exhausting.  I am a lot to keep up with!  Especially when I am not walking in the Spirit, which usually means that I'm RUNNING in the opposite direction.  Another funny thing about me, I do not like to do things slowly.  That's good when I'm going God's way.  That's bad, real bad when I'm not.  Take into consideration, besides the fact that I'm a princess, that I'm unorganized, scatter brained and compulsive and you'll see I'm quite the mess. I've noticed these behaviors before, and realized that they are wrong.  Why then, have I not stopped?  Why do I continue to be compulsive?  Why do I refuse to cooperate with God and let Him plan for me?

Because I'm scared.

I'm scared to death of letting go.  Like Beth Moore said, I want a wild ride, and I'm afraid that won't happen if God is driving.  Apparently the princess thinks she can do it better than the King.  That is so typical me.  I never realized I have trust issues until now.   Do I trust my friends?  Do I trust my husband's leadership?  Do I trust myself?  Do I trust God?  Really, when I let it sink in, I know that I have no legitimate reason NOT to trust God.  And if I trust HIM, I don't need to worry about trusting everything or everyone else.  So what am I afraid of?

I'm afraid of being bored.

I'm flighty, what can I say.  I like to rearrange the furniture every few months.  I like to paint rooms different colors.  I like shoes and purses and jewelery, not because they are pretty and expensive, but because I can change them frequently.  I start projects with great vigor, and let them fizzle after a few weeks because I've moved onto something else that I just have to do. I re-wash loads of laundry because I've left them in the washer and forgotten them.  I pay bills late, I forget certain food items at the grocery store, and I lock myself out of the house.  Apparently, I don't like being bored. And I realized today (thank you Beth) that when I get bored, it isn't long before sin flows.  Beth said that as a christian, if you are bored, you are not in the will of God.  I have to say I agree with her.  Been there, done that.  Of course, boredom was not the only thing going on in my life at the time, but it was the straw that broke the camels back.  I was angry at God, resentful to my husband, and trying with all my might to model my life after other peoples.  People who were more organized, who had it together, who were "excellent wives".  I was failing.  Over and over again, failing.  I realize now that if I try to be someone I'm not, I will rebel.  And since I don't do things without passion, my rebellion was big, bad and ugly.  Interesting to realize that the things about myself that have totally frustrated me my entire life, are actually the things that God uses to keep me from being bored. 

Oh Lord,      You    are   good.

I never would have thought of that.  Using my weakness to show yourself strong.  What a concept?  All that time I was trying to buck the life you gave me for what I thought you wanted.  And instead, all you wanted was for me to be me, and let you be glorified.
That might be the most romantic thing that has ever been shown to me.  Thank you for being gloriously romantic Lord! I am excited to see what else God reveals to me about Himself, and of course, about myself.

Because, I am a princess after all.

Makeup?

John Abraham ran up the stairs, jubilation in his voice, shouting "look at me, look at me mom, I'm wearing makeup!"

Of course, I was primarily concerned with how to get this red marker off of his face.  To avoid cracking up in front of my boy, I sent him into Steven's office to be dealt with by his daddy.  And, of course, Steven's primary concern was the fact that John Abraham, our only boy, was "wearing makeup."  He lectured him on the difference in boys and girls and repeated the mantra "boys don't wear makeup, that's for girls" a few dozen times. 

Obsessed much? 

If I didn't know my boy was ALL BOY I would have had the same concern, but we're talking about the kid who jumps off of anything, sticks whatever he can find into any electrical socket, dives head first into any pile of dirt no matter how small and can't seem to keep his hands out of his pants. 

He      is     such     a     guy.  

And, if all that weren't enough, he.... um... appreciates the female form.  

Already.

This is going to be interesting.