Psalm 40, as I would have written it.

Prologue...
     God, I don't get it.  Of all the people in the world, in this family, that you could have taken, why him?  Everyone he knew loved him, and he loved everyone.  He made everyones life better.  He pointed to you.  Surely the world was a better place with him in it.  Of course he went gracefully, he did everything gracefully, but he loved life and was good at living it.  Im sure you have a plan, but I cannot imagine why it includes taking my father, MY daddy.  I know that Im an adult, with a family of my own, but Im still a daddy's girl.  My sweet babies will never experience the greatest man I ever knew... and thats because of you.  To be honest God, Im more than heartbroken, Im angry.  Ive known you all my life, but Ive never known you to do something so hurtful.  People keep saying that you have a plan, that all things happen for a reason, that you work all things together for our good and your glory.  What do they know?  Right now, my mind and my heart are at war over whether or not I really care about your glory.  If Im going to be honest with you (no use in not being, you already know my thoughts), then I have to say, Im disappointed.  I feel like all I ever knew has been turned upside down.  I feel like I don't even know you at all.  And if I don't know you, then I don't know me. 
War is a terrible thing.


Psalm 40, as I would have written it.
   I waited patiently for the Lord.  Well, I waited anyhoo.  He knows Im not patient (one of my many flaws).  I've gotten myself into this mess, so I thought I would talk to God about it.  After all, He made me.  If he put me in this world, surely He can... well, lets see what He wants to do with me...
   "Lord, I've got a request.  See, I've fallen into a pit.  Ok, so I didn't fall in, I sorta dove in.  I mean, seriously, it had the word disaster written all over its forehead.  But thats besides the point.  Im in this pit, and I can't get myself out.  I thought maybe you could help me?  If you'll remember, I have proclaimed the good news of your righteousness before, even to a group of people (and thats a pretty big deal to someone who gets nervous about public speaking).  O Lord, you yourself know that I have not hidden your righteousness within my heart; I have declared your faithfulness and your salvation.  I haven't concealed your loving kindness and your truth from those I know.  So, I was hoping that you wouldn't hold your tender mercies from me O Lord.  Please let your lovingkindness and your truth continually preserve me, for innumerable evils have surrounded me; my iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not even able to look up.  They are more than the hairs on my head (and thats alot, my hair is pretty thick).  My heart is failing me.  Be pleased O Lord to deliver me: Seriously, ASAP.  I can't take it anymore."
   So the Lord inclined to me.  Like a patient father who leans down to listen to the cry of his child, He heard mine.  He reached down and pulled me out of my pit, horrible as it was.  He set my feet upon a rock and showed me the way to go.  Not only did He pull me out, but He gave me a new song to sing - Praise to our God.  Hopefully, many will look past my many flaws and errors and will see God, and will trust in the Lord.
Blessed is that man who makes the LORD his trust. 




Epilogue....
  I must agree with Paul in his letter to the Romans. After some time, mistakes, pain and forgiveness, I am on the road to peace.  "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.  For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.  For what the law could no do - in that it was weak through the flesh - GOD did, by sending His own Son in the likeness of our sinful flesh, on the account of our sin:  He condemned sin in the flesh, that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.  For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.  Because the carnal mind is at war with God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor can it be.  But you are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit... And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.  For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out "Abba, Father."  The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs - heirs of God and joint heirs of Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.  For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

Do I understand why he's gone?  No.  Do I have to?  No.  Im the child, HE is the father.  He loved me before my lungs ever took breath, and He gave His life for me.  That is enough, and thats what heaven is for. 

I cannot wait.

Its the most wonderful time of the year!

What makes it wonderful?

#1 Christ.  It is Christmas after all.  The image of a sweet, precious infant born in a cold, smelly barn, only to die in the prime of His life, every bit as innocent as the day He was born... makes my heart break and rejoice at the same time.

#2  Family time.  I love Christmas movies, our Christmas tree and the boat load of snacks that we've collected from all the parties.  We have made almost every night this month "family night".  Its been a blast.

#3  Quotes from "A Christmas Story".  "Never had the words poured from my petty pencil with such feverous fluidity." "What is it with this irrational prejudice against the Red Rider and his peace maker?"  "The old man stood, quivering, trying to come up with a real stinger.  All he could manage to get out was "NOT A FINGA."  "My old man worked in profanity like other artists might work in oils or clay.  It was his true medium.  A master."

#4  Music.  My life is a constant theme song.  Some days, the CD is on repeat and all I hear is "I think I can, I think I can."  But during the holidays, I am blessed to be bombarded by Christmas music everywhere I go.   The only negatives are sappy songs like the one about the Christmas shoes.  Seriously... I don't want to be reminded of tragedy during this most wonderful time of the year.  I've had enough of my own, and when I want to spiral down into a wormhole of misery, I can just ponder those fond memories.  This is a time of Hope.  Let's listen to happy things, Ok?

#5  Ridiculous holiday sweaters.  I don't know why, but people feel compelled to where them.  Still.  Cracks me up every time I see one.  God bless their sweet souls.  Festive to the end they are.  My kind of people, just different tastes in clothing.  :)

#6  Giving gifts.   Ok, so I like GETTING them too, I won't lie.  But I really do like giving them just as much, if not more.  I love picking out the perfect gift for someone.  And I love being able to give to those who have little or nothing.  If I had a magical sleigh and endless funds, I would take the santa job in a heart beat.  (BTW, I don't believe in santa.)  Bah humbug :)

So many things come to mind that I could be writing for days.  Lets just say that I really do think that this is the most wonderful time of the year.  Following old traditions and making a few new ones, I think this year will be one of the best yet.  I wish all of my dear family and sweet friends a very Merry Christmas and a happy new year!  Go watch a Christmas Story... I know I am.